she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
