proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
