He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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