My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
