1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
