Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
