If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
