I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
