I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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