Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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