You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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