I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Randomize
