If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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