During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
