It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
