i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
