I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Randomize
