That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
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