Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
