This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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