shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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