its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
The best revenge is premature balding
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I wish there were birth control emojis
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
