6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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