Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
