Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
