hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
