4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
