i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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