got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
