Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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