I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
