blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize
