i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
and she was petting her beer can
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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