I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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