She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i just sent this text using only my big toe
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
and you fell through a lawn chair
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
