i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
