I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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