So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
