I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
