So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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