Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
it's like iHOP with fire
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize