Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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