ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
