My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
