My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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