Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
