You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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