He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
