I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
