My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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