There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
zippers are such a cool invention
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize