True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
