youre lurking in front of me
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
