Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
