We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
