Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
