I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
