I like to think it a success when the cops are called
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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