you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
