and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
