am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
