wat bout pragnant strippers??
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
