you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
