so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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