I'm eating all of the evidence.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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