So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
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