Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
