there's paper in my vomit.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
