never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
