...so i touched it.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
