he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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