we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
no, he came in my armpit
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I'm, like, this ðŸ¤ðŸ¼ close to buying crocs
And you're also ðŸ¤ðŸ¼ to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
