Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
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