remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
